ooh, snickers.

Today I have used my keys to open a package AND tighten a screw on my office chair.

Later on I’m going to stick a piece of chewed gum to a key, attach it to a long piece of string, and go fishing through the sewer grate.

and caused me to fall utterly, hopelessly in love with this novel:

“I watched her on the stand in that unfamiliar suit and thought of the soft hairs at the back of her neck, warm and smelling of sun, and it seemed an impossible thing to me, it seemed the vastest and saddest miracle of my life: I touched her hair, once.” — In the Woods, Tana French

(though I also appreciated, on a slightly different level, this: “She informed me, matter-of-factly, that she was old enough to know the difference between intriguing and fucked up. ‘You should go for younger women,’ she advised me. ‘They can’t always tell.’”)

projectbueller:

Although there is a beautifully hand-written version of this note currently scotch taped to Matthew Broderick’s door, we thought we’d unleash it on the world wide web, in case we guessed the wrong door.

Dear Matthew Broderick,

In 1986, you made a movie that has been the standing template for cool since the day it was released. It has inspired and given people the courage to rock and roll and live authentically, a principle we would now like to celebrate in a most festive fashion this Friday night.

At 7:00 pm in the middle of 6th Ave, we are recreating the parade scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off as a part of the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. We’ve got a 28 ft float, over 1,000 volunteers, balloons, sound equipment, and a whole entire marching band. There are no corporate ties to the event and it’s mostly just a group of friends looking to cultivate massive amounts of positive energy and for everyone to have an epically good time.

Our mission is to get everyone on the streets of NYC dancing until we reach or surpass the approximate enjoyment level of the original scene. We’ve been working hard to get all the pieces in place to give us the best chances of accomplishing this, and would now like to invite you to help us make this happen!!

Your role, if you choose to accept it, is to take over the float for one lip synching rendition of Twist & Shout in front of the TV camera crews stationed at 10th St & 6th Ave. With your brilliant coup, the crowd will absolutely go wild and NYC will erupt into one of the greatest and most joyous celebrations in the history of celebration in general.

Please let us know if you’re up for it. 2 million people are anticipated to view the event and would outrageously enjoy seeing you.

Thanks so much and have a super excellent evening!
Mina Karimi & Kara Suhey
projectbueller@gmail.com

I found myself in the position a few days ago of trying to explain The Dick Van Dyke Show and its classic opening in which, occasionally, Dick Van Dyke trips over an ottoman (my favorite variation, though, is where he sidesteps the ottoman but then trips on the carpet).

If only my own face-plants were as gracefully comic.

The point is, I just realized that a bunch of episodes are up on Hulu.

Here.

I’m watching this one right now.

This morning my boss asks, “Do you have an Am Ex corporate card?” implying that he would get me one if not.

My response was “Do I really need one?”

OMG WRONG ANSWER.