January 2010
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I just made my own mayo.
It was ridiculously easy, yeah, but I still feel super cool.
I added sriracha sauce.
Dan: I bet you can't guess what PHP stands for.
Me: Perfectly Huge Penis?
Dan: . . . It stands for PHP Hypertext Preprocessor. The first P stands for PHP.
Me: Oh god, it's an infinity loop. That hurts my brain.
Dan: It's OK, honey -- it'll pass.
Me: I'm blogging this.
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We were talking about coffee last night.
Adam: I'll maybe have one, one and a half cups of coffee, like, every couple days or something.
Me: Dude, I need like 32 ounces in the morning or nothing happens.
Adam: That's . . . a lot.
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When the product is way more interesting than the...
Do you have any idea how godawful boring, blind-makingly BORING it is to knit black yarn in stockinette stitch?
You want a picture? Here.
Whose brilliant idea was this, anyway?
Sigh.
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Sports texting with my brother, 01/24/2010
Me: Are you watching this? Gah. (8:55 PM)
Joe: Shit. (8:57 PM)
Me: Fuck. (8:58 PM)
Joe: Cock. Sucker. (9:07 PM) [fyi yes we do kiss our mother with these mouths.]
Me: Dan, who does not like football all that much, just said, and I am not making this up, "Oh JEEEEZ." *snort* (9:08 PM) [MN humor, y'all.]
Joe: Can I just say how much I hate the FOX football robot (9:14 PM)
Me: I was just saying the same thing. (9:16 PM) [true story!]
Me: Muthafrakkin pusbucket. Does this mean Favre is with us for another season? (9:23 PM)
Joe: If he can walk. (9:24 PM)
Joe: Maybe coating our hands with vaseline wasn't such a good strategy after all (9:24 PM)
Me: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG (9:34 PM)
Joe: Brett Favre has more grass stains than a Cheech and Chong film festival. (9:44 PM)
Me: I was marvelling earlier at the advances in astroturf that make that possible. OMGOMGOMGOMG FIELD GOAL CMON. (9:50 PM)
Joe: NOOOOOOOO (9:53 PM)
Me: KHAAAAAAAAAN (9:54 PM)
Joe: Curse you, Favre, for making me believe again. (10:20 PM)
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I am so sorry, Paul Weller.
Last night’s dream is pretty hazy, as dreams are wont to be, but what I do remember is this:
I was elsewhere — maybe Minneapolis — watching the local news. The weather report came on. The weather guy was an 80s throwback with spiky hair and a dark shiny blazer with rolled-up sleeves over a white t-shirt. He looked familiar, like he’d once been in a semi-famous band. And he...
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Definition
A friend is someone who calls just as you’re stepping out of the shower and all you have is a towel wrapped around your middle and your hair is dripping on the floor but you don’t want to say “I’ll call you back” so you sit and talk for 20 minutes while your hair dries in a weird sort of way. And now you’re going to be late but it was worth it to hear your...
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This is a whispery post because while I think your cat is great and I am genuinely interested in your cat’s welfare — no, I do not want to be Facebook friends with your cat.
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I have returned from my final laundromat excursion...
Please note, however, that there were three carts scattered across the path to my dryer, almost as though they had been deliberately placed there by someone wishing for me to trip over them.
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Passive-Aggressive Laundromat War!
Part II: I return to the laundromat to switch my clothes from washer to dryer, and pull an empty cart up to the washer. I load up the clothes and wheel the cart over to an open dryer, passing a woman who mutters under her breath, “You couldn’t have used a free cart?” I whip around and she’s glaring at me, and I just smile and whisper “WOW” as I turn back toward...
WatchBetter Off Ted clip.
I cannot remember the last time a sitcom made me laugh so hard I wept. If you haven’t been sold on this show yet, watch this.
